Did Martha Have a Gun?

Twenty pair of red and green suspenders in less than 12 hours. Ah yes, the joys of Christmastime holiday shows in kindergarten. As I sat there with my trusty glue gun, a stack of red and green felt, a 3 year old helper, and 6 year old helper, I wondered how I had gotten myself into this mess. What on earth had possessed me to volunteer to make the suspenders for the entire class? Was it a need to feel like I had accomplished something? Was it a need to fulfill my creative inner Martha Stewart longings? If so, I was a miserable failure. Martha would not have approved of these suspenders. The widths were all different. Safety pins would be securing them to the kindergarten elves; no discreet hook and eye attachments for us. There were no cute button finishes. No hand embroidery or glitter. Hmmm...maybe there was a reason why Martha never had 3 and 6 year old helpers on her show?

And all of this led to me wonder...did they let Martha Stewart bring her glue gun into jail? Did she get to sacrifice her prison issue sheets in order to make a ruffled skirt to go around the sink in her jail cell? I bet she could have made some fantastic wind chimes out of license plates and thread unravelled from the bottom of her prison uniform. Or maybe she was deprived during her incarceration and that was her true punishment. For me, it was the opposite; using a glue gun seemed like retribution for evil things I must have done in a former life. I sure hope Martha enjoyed her first trip to a craft store after she got out of the slammer. For me, I think I'll go back to running half marathons to feel successful. h