Carpool Madness

It's time to stop the madness. I am not kidding. Write your congressman, start a petition, go on a hunger strike, but do something! What is this madness I refer to? Why carpool, of course! Silly me, thought carpool was supposed to be simple. To make our lives easier and safer. Apparently I am in the minority. Here is how carpool should work. In an orderly fashion, pull in to the carpool line, preferably not while talking on your cell phone. As the car in front of you moves forward, you do the same. Stop at the appropriately marked place, turn around, blow a kiss at your child and say "I love you, have a great day", while a teacher escorts your child out the door to their classroom. If you do not have time to wait in a carpool line, you do not belong in carpool. To the Mom who cut me off in carpool line yesterday, then pulled back out of line because it was moving too slow - relax. And to the same Mom who then parked in the middle of the parking lot while blocking the crosswalk- get over yourself. You are not more important than the rest of us. We all have things we'd rather be doing than waiting in line. And once again, to that same Mom, was it really worth the 45 seconds you saved by cutting me off, blocking the crosswalk, and leaving your other two children in the car while you shoved your kindergartener halfway across the parking lot to the teacher who pulled her safely onto the sidewalk? And to the Dad who has been taking Mario Andretti driving lessons on the weekends so he can cut off the buses and make his own special turn lane, please- leave your type Triple A self waiting at the office. This is an elementary school, not Wall Street.

All of this is just for morning drop off. Can you imagine what pickup is like? It's really a fascinating study in selfishness. Here is how pickup is supposed to work. Once again get in line (and you would not believe how many people have issues with this simple concept). Once again pull forward when car in front of you pulls forward. When your child climbs in the car, help him/her with the buckle if needed and drive forward out of the carpool line. Do not, I repeat, do not, by any means climb out of your car. If your child needs that much help climbing in the car, you do not belong in carpool line! If you need to have a lengthy discussion with the teacher about your child's progress on their thesis statement, you do not belong in the carpool line. Every day I study and ponder the white Ford Explorer that attends my school. I find her absolutely fascinating. Every day this Mom pulls into carpool. Every day this Mom stops her car, gets out of her car, opens the hatch of her car and stands to wait for her children. Every day she helps them climb through the hatch of the car into the backseat. The Mom then precedes to climb into the car behind her children to help them buckle their seats. And somehow this Mom manages to be the first car in line every single day. You can imagine how many cars backup in the parking lot waiting for her to finish. And don't even get me started on the lengthy conversations she holds with her child's teacher during this process. Here are the things I ponder: is she really that clueless about the twenty other cars waiting for their turn? did the Mom not feel loved as a child and this is the way she proves to her children they are loved? maybe the Mom never went to kindergarten and never learned to follow simple rules?

Coming soon to a location near you... Carpool 101 by the Road Warrior Wife